Okay, so I promise not to make this a habit, but I felt that I had to write something as a mother (adult), not a two year old for this blog entry. This is the true meaning of a blog.
Many of you know that in my job I deal with death on a daily basis. I know weird and random factoids about injuries, deaths and health issues that affect Nevadans. I don’t have a choice to overlook death in our State, It is my job; I can’t get away from it.
I have had in my career to look into things such as how many women die within in one year of giving birth. Oh, did I mention I was 8 months pregnant when I had to complete that request? I speak very matter-of-fact about a lot of topics related to death that make most people squirm. It is strange and totally cliché, but after becoming a parent, dealing with the subjects I deal with at work on a daily basis have become increasingly difficult. Things that used to seem so black and white are now a shade of gray. Someone actually asked me at work why we should care that suicide rates in teenagers are increasing. How can we not? Seems so black and white.
Today our community learned that the body of a woman found not even 2 miles from our home was that of young college co-ed Brianna Denison, who went missing on Jan 20. She disappeared from a friend’s home located close to the University of Nevada, Reno in the middle of the night with only a small amount of blood to give any clue as to what may have happened to her.
Shortly after Brianna’s abduction, her case was connected through DNA to another rape that took place in very close proximity to the University. In this case the woman was set free after the attack. A description of the suspect was released. This case has now been linked to a total of three other rapes all located close to UNR.
Not a day had gone by in the past four weeks that I hadn’t checked different sites online to see if something had broke in the case. Even at work, my Bureau had to provide information to the FBI who were following up on a lead from one of the rape victims that a baby shoe was located on the floorboard of the truck. I actually helped in collecting the data to provide the FBI, and it made me feel even closer to the case as both a mother and professional that may have potential data to catch the predator.
In the past week, I just had a feeling that her body would be found once the snow on the valley floor started to melt. Everyday I clicked onto rgj.com I thought I would see ‘Brianna’s body found’, and yesterday it happened. The body of a woman had been found in a field, and I think the entire community knew it was that of Brianna Denison.
Today when it was announced that the body was indeed that of Brianna Denison, my heart sank. My heart sank for many reasons.
First, Reno is my home. I’m a third generation Nevadan and I’m proud to say I’m from Nevada. I graduated from the University of Nevada, Reno. One of the most amazing things to me is that I was able to deliver my son at the very hospital both my parents and I were born at. Our state is unique in many positive ways. In fact, just the other day I looked out my window at work and watched people playing golf to my right. To my left I saw the beautiful Sierra Mountains and knew at that very moment just as many people where enjoying the 13’ of snow that has blanketed them. How many places can you have amazing golf weather and perfect ski conditions on the same day?
I have walked many of the same streets up at UNR that I know Brianna and the other victims of rape have. Never once have I felt unsafe in my hometown. I say town because up until about 10 years ago that is exactly what it was.
The second reason my heart sank today is imagining what her family must be going through, and what they will continue to go through. Never from the first moment you lay eyes on your child do you ever think you will bury them. Never do you expect to hear your child has been stranguled. Never do you want to hear the words from a police officer 'Sorry, I have bad news'. Never in those first few moments of life, or when they are 60 years old do you want to see them suffer, or have someone do them harm. Never at the end of the day do you want to worry where they are, and what could possibly be happening to them. Are they cold, wet, hungry, or scared. Do they need you? Never do you want your child to think life is something you take for granted.
Clearly, the person who took Brianna’s life did, and this also makes me very sad. It makes me sad to think there is someone out there who did this, and they have a mother. Everybody does. They have a mother who gave birth to them and looked into their eyes and felt their tiny heart beating. They have a mother who owed them the lesson that life is precious. Life is not to be taken at the hand of another, and maybe she thought she had. They have a mother that at this very moment might be questioning if her son is a rapist and killer. Right at this moment questioning if she missed some of the signs, or possibly what she may have done wrong. Another very sad fact is maybe she did nothing wrong, but will there always be doubt in her head? A mother's guilt is never ending. People in the end make their own decisions, but the fact is this person has someone in their life who loves them…someone.
When I look at Jacob and see him looking at me so intently waiting and watching to see what I will do next, I know that being a mother is never something to take lightly. I owe him only the best. He is counting on me.
When I think of this tragedy I see nothing but sadness and heartache for a family who lost their daughter, sister, cousin and niece, and for a family that will have to deal with the fact that their son, brother, nephew, cousin, or potentially their father was the one responsible for these horrendous crime/s. Is it wrong to have any sympathy for this part of the equation? Before I would of said yes.
I see a community in fear until this man is caught.
Tomorrow I will take Jacob out to the tree in our front yard and have him help me tie a blue ribbon on it in memory of Brianna Denison (this is at the family’s request). I know he will have no idea what any of this means, but it is a very early and small lesson in compassion and support for a family and community’s amazing strife.
